My Testimony

This is my testimony on the saving grace of Jesus Christ. May you find inspiration in my own struggles!

The “Problem” of Free Will

That we can be free from sin while in our fleshly bodies is not possible – although if we truly have Christ in us, the power of sin should no longer reign in our bodies (Romans 6:6). The tendency will always be to do the things we ought not to do, and this struggle will continue until the day we are called home or the Lord returns.

While God is not the author of evil or of sin, He will allow us to go down paths that can lead to devastating outcomes in our lives. Looking back on some of these in my life, I now see them as “teachable moments”. I truly believe that had I not been so mired in behaviors that were threatening my career and my marriage a few years ago, I would not be where I am today. This is not to say as Paul stated in Romans 6:1, “Should we sin more, so that grace may abound?”; but recognize that in our freedom to do evil, God’s providential work will not be thwarted. Whatever His plan is for my life, He has placed me on a path of studying His Word daily that I am certain I would not have instigated on my own. God is clearly working in me for some purpose. Where this ultimately leads, I do not know. I know to only trust in Him, and be ready to answer His call to do whatever He asks of me and wherever He wishes to send me.

I think this is important for all of us. I truly feel if we are not seeking His will for our lives every day, we are living for ourselves and not for Him. To listen to God speak takes discipline (discipleship), and I know I have much room to grow in this area. I am just so thankful for Him laying this on my heart in such a clear and profound way.

My Testimony: The Sin of Pride

For me, and perhaps a few of you, it was always pride that stood before me and prevented me from seeking help when I was at my lowest. I always thought I could handle things on my own and if things got to a point where the struggle seemed too much, I would seek out some type of worldly support group for comfort. About all that was accomplished in these groups was recognition of similar behaviors and a reward system based upon striving over the struggle.

There was no hope of true recovery.

Why? The problem with both of these is that neither is grounded in God’s Word. Both seek to try to make the individual stronger and thus, even less reliant on our Creator. That can only lead to a further pattern of corruption. I’ve written a little on biblical counseling and am a firm believer that the counsel of Godly people with a firm grasp of Scripture is critical to making the necessary change. For me, God put people in my path to turn my direction around and I will be forever grateful for their role as my testimony would not be what it is today. It was also no small matter coming under the guidance of my pastor and the church family I call home. Last, but certainly not least, was having an amazing wife stay by my side.

My Testimony: Becoming Free

It wasn’t until I finally recognized that in order for me to become stronger, I had to become weaker. I had to admit I cannot win this fight on my own and that if I continue to not allow God to work in me, I was doomed to repeat the past again and again. It wasn’t a “Let Go and Let God” decision, for I knew I had an active role to play in my own recovery. I did, however, have to allow Him a dominant role in my heart.

Can I say I’ve arrived? Certainly not. For I know the draw of this world at times still takes precedence over Him. But I can say that the desire to participate in the behaviors that almost ruined me have faded into the background. The darkness is continually being replaced by Light, as I like to tell my wife. But I recognize that if I do not actively pursue the Light, darkness is waiting once again to consume me, as it might be for some of you. For this reason alone, we must stay in God’s Word and study, not just read. There is a big difference between the two.

Final Thoughts

I pray if my testimony and struggle sound familiar to you that you also recognize there is only one way to resolve the path you are on, and that is to pray from a broken and contrite heart to the very God who can take you from the dark place you currently reside into the light of His everlasting love.

Surround yourself with wise, Godly counsel and find a good church home that truly welcomes the broken. In this, you may find the peace you so desperately seek. If you are looking for a good, solid Bible-based program on overcoming pornography, I strongly recommend Ted Shimer’s “The Freedom Fight“. It was and is a turning point for me.

God bless you on your own journey to freedom found only in Jesus.

Joseph Duerr